There’s a woman in your life who you can tell anything. I want you to think about her.

When she invites you over, you not only feel at home, but you don’t want to leave. She has attentive focus, which is something you feel more than know. She has a warmth about her that fills the air. She hugs longer than you expected, but just as long as you needed.

In that attentiveness, that warmth, that welcoming is a beautiful leadership gift – approachability. 

You have people mixed in your life with this natural ability. The barista you feel so comfortable chatting with. The aunt you can’t wait to see during the holidays. The woman you love cutting the small talk with and getting to the point. Or maybe I’m describing you.

Those are all leaders who share the powerful leadership of approachability.

Approachability is unassuming, yet significant. (I wrote about other unassuming leadership qualities: quiet, hospitality, humor). These gifts can get easily overlooked. Sometimes we have felt ashamed or embarrassed by our talents because they weren’t powerful or flashy. And sadly, many of these things are often associated with femininity.  

When you think of a leader what comes to mind? Powerful, confident, and, dare I say, intimidating? When we limit the definition of a leader and influencer to this, we undervalue beautiful leadership qualities, like approachability. We hide them and shove them to the side.

For those gifted with approachability it’s not a surprise that it can be seen as a weakness. For people to approach with their guard down can appear as lacking control and simply being agreeable. But here’s where the hidden beauty is – approachability oozes trust. Unearned, assumed trust! That’s the built-in leadership gift. There’s just something about them. It’s not tangible, but it’s palatable.

There’s not a formula to approachability; it’s something we know when we see. It can break through walls of serious workplaces and awkward parties. Any checkout line can become a confessional. Any bathroom break can become a therapy session. Any work meeting can become a honest heart-to-heart. It’s in both the scheduled and spontaneous. It’s a disarming quality. And a beautiful one.

If I’ve been writing about you, what do you do next? You have the gift of approachability. People want to share their story with you. So what’s next?

Start by not hiding it. Love those around you well. It’s something written in your bones. You were born with it.
Maybe sometimes it’s prayer. Keep those in prayer who share with you.
Maybe it’s wisdom. Maybe you are to impart guidance that goes above your understanding.
Or maybe it’s encouragement. Sometimes we just need to hear ourselves talk. Maybe people just want to talk to you and you are called to love them.

Being approachable isn’t a typical leadership desire. If a roomful of people wrote down skills they desire, I’d guess approachability would not be on many lists. It flies under the radar. Approachability is an underrated skill, not a weakness. It’s not the opposite of respect. It’s not being walked on or lacking backbone, control, or will. It’s being a safe, disarming, and steady force in people’s lives. It’s unassuming and significant. Let’s start valuing approachability for what it’s worth.