“What do you think is the hardest part of being a freshman in college?”

Packed in with around 300 college students, I turned to my neighbors to answer the ice-breaker question at the on-campus group I attended. The students around me gave their answers.

“Getting used to the classwork.” 

“Learning where things are around campus.”

“Living on your own.”

And then I answered. My freshman year was really lonely.

I remember driving to school and not talking to anyone unless the professor prompted. Some days I would go my entire day at college not talking. This turned around by my senior year. I joined on-campus organizations and I couldn’t walk across campus without seeing someone I knew. But the experience of my freshman year was definitely isolating. I lacked the community my soul craved.

During this season of my life I was surrounded by people and still lonely. My perceived loneliness came from the lack of connection with those around me. Surrounded by thousands of other college students, I was still alone.

We may be more ‘connected’ socially than any other time in human history, but collectively we have never felt more lonely. In fact, we are starting to see loneliness recorded highly in millennials and gen-z. If you are under the age of 37 as I write this, your loneliness is not just you, it’s an epidemic. Loneliness is an increasing health concern, leading to pain, fear, grief, fatigue, and exhaustion. Studies have reported it to be as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

When you experience loneliness, you can assure yourself that it’s not just you, it’s us. Many of us feel alone, left out, and isolated. It takes a village, doesn’t it? Not just to raise children, but to raise ourselves.

During another season of my life I found myself lonely in a different way. When I had my first child I went from working in an mid-size office and seeing friends regularly to hanging out with a very tiny human all day, every day whose only way to communicate was crying. This change was welcomed and prayed for, but it was still isolating.

My days all felt pretty ordinary and there was a sameness about them. I was getting used to a new schedule and couldn’t get a grip of it. I couldn’t tell the difference between Monday morning and a Friday night. I was at the whim of my infant’s hunger and comfort. I needed isolation when the stage of life was brought on, but I also needed to understand that stage would not always be my new normal and it would come to an end.

Whether I was surrounded by people or I was physically alone during a change of life, loneliness is a part of my story. Maybe it’s a part of yours too.My pain came because we are built for community.

We might be lonely and not recognize it. We see people’s faces all the time on social media. We might even talk to them through comments and likes and messages. But we are wired for more. We are wired for community and love.

A song that is ringing loud and true in my church is “Another in the Fire” by Hillsong United. The lyrics exclaim we are understood, heard, and not alone. We sing about tangible miracles of when our unseen God has shown himself. The stories of the protection of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the seas parting by Moses’, and the breaking free of Silas and Paul from prison all remind us that God’s promises were powerful and still stand today. God is with us and we remind ourselves that when we sing, “I know I will never be alone.” These are powerful words for generations that are being discipled into loneliness, undetected by the world’s increased appeared connectedness.

While it’s reassuring that God is with us and ultimately His love and presence is sufficient, we are wired for love and community. 

I love this quote from Mother Teresa: “the greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love…”

We deserve more than the pain, fear, fatigue, and grief that comes with loneliness. How is it that during a time of history when we are more connected than ever before, generations are being discipled into loneliness?

We owe it to ourselves to recognize that we are lonely and begin to heal that wound. We owe it to our family, friends, and neighbors to go out of our comfort zones and connect beyond liking a post. We owe it to our Creator, to do what we can to bring Heaven to Earth and give the gift of love and time. Finally, we owe true nourishment to our souls – abiding with God and with each other.