My ‘trying to conceive’ story took 16 months. That’s almost 500 days.

Looking back on that year and a half, we had a lot going on with our families, jobs, household, and finances. That was the last year of my life that I didn’t own the title ‘mom.’ I find it important to continue to share my experience with infertility and while this is no longer my reality, it is a very real part of my story.

Also, it seemed like it was the season for my Facebook friends to have babies. And lots of them. My newsfeed filled with stories of new parenthood and quotes of how precious life is. And while that is exactly what social media is for, ashamedly, those updates stung. When you are TTC (what I quickly learned was Internet lingo for “trying to conceive”), every encounter with something about pregnancy or babies were reminders of something I desperately wanted, but somehow couldn’t have.

Seeing people around me having, as far as I could tell, no trouble conceiving made me feel quite alone. Why was this my story? There’s something about being human that makes us embarrassed, ashamed, and insecure about sharing struggles and hardships with others.

There are 2.1 million married women in the United States who have not been able to conceive in 12 consecutive months. That’s 6.7% of married women; that’s not even everyone. In the U.S., 7.3 million women have used infertility services.

Similar to the unrealistic expectations that advertisements subliminally pass along to women about body image, I believe the same happens with pregnancy. And we aren’t talking about it. I believe we are ashamed, embarrassed, and insecure when nature doesn’t go as ‘planned.’ Chances are, your story is going to be different.

And there’s nothing to be ashamed.

Embarrassed.

Or insecure about.

I believe that instead of sharing our stories, we hold them, and forget about them once the adversity has passed. After our family grows from two to three, and now four, we won’t need to remember how we felt from December 2010-March 2012, right?

This is the reason I wanted to share my story. I can’t say why it took 16 months when it takes most couples well under a year. I believe we have gotten pregnant in God’s perfect timing. And that our children are purposed for wonderful things.

Here are some things I wish I would have told myself:

• Know your friends and family who ask when you are planning to start a family or tell you “it’s your turn,” mean well. They care about you. They want to see what cute concoction God will create from the two of you. While you are living it, it’s difficult, but they really do mean well.

• The world has always had babies and will continue to have babies. There were always babies in commercials and in movies. It’s likely that you will see a pregnant woman or new mom today. Friends and family members are having babies every year. Don’t take it as a sign that the universe is against you and rubbing it in your face.

• Live for today, not for tomorrow. I love this Bible verse written by James: “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.” While it’s great to desire exciting things of the future, we need to remember to live for today. One of my biggest struggles was desiring my future purpose of being a mom and seeing little value to what was currently around me. Instead of making me excited, this “future purpose” saddened and frustrated me because it was nowhere in sight and I desperately wanted to fast-forward my life, which is definitely NOT what God had planned.

My hope is that you will be inspired to share your story. In whatever way that may be and whatever story is uniquely yours. To those of you who want someone to know you as ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ – I believe there’s a reason for that desire. My prayer is you find the hope you need to continue to write your story.