Pay attention to what makes you cry, I’ve heard.

Constantly at the verge of tears, I sat in an auditorium in Nashville. There was so much fear in the unknown of Down syndrome. I listened to a couple with Down syndrome talk about their marriage, their experiences, and, ultimately their worth. We’ll get back to this moment.

Late 1990’s
I was in high school on a field trip to Medieval Times, a touristy arena show with horses and knights where you ate a meal with no silverware. I grew up quiet and unassuming. But that day having fun next to my friends, I yelped when the knight came around to select a queen.

Wouldn’t you know, he picked me! The quiet girl. I was whisked away, awarded with a crown and sash, and presented to the arena. Decades later, my memory is faded, but I remember a hug that made me socially uncomfortable. It was an innocent hug from a young man with Down syndrome to the Queen of Medieval Times, which was me that day. I was embarrassed and confused.

2002
One of my favorite journalism professors at USF has a son with Down syndrome. His son was an adult at the time I was in college. My professor would talk about him often during the course of the class and I believe he came in with him one day.

It was around this time I decided to take the word ‘retarded’ out of my vocabulary and it’s not a coincidence. I’m thankful for my professor sharing this part of his life with us. I realized this word undermined people’s worth and dignity. Words like ‘retarded’ merely replaced something that described their outward identity with a synonym for stupid. Realizing how truly offensive and sad that is, I stopped using the word ‘retarded’ all together.

2012
I was pregnant with my daughter. Every day was a mix of excitement and fear. There was fear of becoming a parent in general, fear of taking on a new responsibilities, and fear of birth abnormalities.

I remember the fear of having a baby with Down syndrome. I don’t remember why, but I remember that possibility being shrouded in fear. When I found out that she didn’t have Down syndrome, I remember it being a relief. Maybe you have been here too?

2010’s
An author and speaker who I admire has two children with Down syndrome. I didn’t have real contact with her children, but through her intentional use of social media, I got a glimpse into the joy, humor, and love that seems to specifically be amplified in their lives.

2019
Now I’m sitting in that audience with eyes welling up with tears, watching a beautiful couple with Down syndrome talk about their worth, value, and love for each other. Austin and Christi Davenport have been married for 9 years, or as she puts it “almost 10.” They both have Down syndrome and are speakers and advocates for the genetic condition.

“A few years ago, the American College of OBGYNs has decided that every pregnant mother should have a test to see if her unborn baby has Down syndrome like us,” Christi carefully read from the stage.

“Almost all mother’s who have learned that her baby has Down syndrome, they don’t give that baby a chance. They think we are a tragedy that they don’t want to face. When you hear about that, just remember about you [as she pointed to the audience], and just remember about us. We may not be as smart as some people, but being smart isn’t always what makes people happy. Loving and being loved is what makes people happy.”

If we should pay attention to what makes us cry, hearing her say these words sure does it for me.

A simple Google search of the words ‘Down Syndrome’ will show you that others have frequently looked up: ‘What are my chances of having a baby with Down syndrome?’, and ‘How can you tell if a baby has Down syndrome?’ Honest questions, sure.

I don’t have a child, relative, or friend with Down syndrome. But I do want to reclaim my memories. I want to rewrite the future for how I interact and talk about people with Down syndrome. I want to embrace the beautiful social risk of talking to someone with so much love in their heart that I can’t comprehend it.

I’m thankful for the people and experiences that softened my heart and increased my understanding of Down syndrome. I’m asking God to forgive me for my inappropriate level of fear in the past. Fear that I had during my pregnancies and fear of embracing the socially unknown. I want to go back to being that school-aged girl who, when that young man embraced me, instead feeling embarrassed and confused, I would have embraced him back.

We each have immense value and worth. We are all created with purpose and are image bearers of our creator. How beautiful is it that no matter how different we are, we are all image bearers of God?

Human dignity is an inherited quality. You and I have dignity. Austin and Christi Davenport have dignity. None of us earned it. None of us should have to prove it. We simply have it. As John M Perkins, civil right activist, has said beautifully, “You don’t give people dignity. You affirm it.”

Everyday, those around us are being robbed of their dignity. This cannot happen. This message of dignity is as much for each of us to remember about ourselves, as it is true for every single person we encounter. It’s not a gift that we give; it’s a reality to be made aware of and affirm of others with our actions.

I’d like to invite you to revisit your memories. Ones that may have come to mind as you were reading this. Memories that don’t need to be about someone with Down syndrome, but memories you feel awkward about and maybe some you regret. Because we have acted or believed something in our past doesn’t mean that we can’t shift our perspective and open our capacity to affirm dignity moving forward.

MORE: 

A beautiful read about the couple, Austin and Christi Davenport

A great read by a parent with Down Syndrome, Gabe Lyons: In Defense of Down Syndrome.