Every time I wrote an email my computer gave me an error message. 

My laptop was full and I didn’t know how to empty it. Thousands of emails, thousands of files. In my field of work, details count. Is the comma in the right place? Is that picture high-resolution? What information goes on that flier? I need to care about the details at work. 

I started deleting messages from years ago that held large files that were filing up my computer. As Mailchimp puts it, they were obliterating my inbox. My computer was constantly trying to balance files that didn’t matter anymore. 

Just as my computer was trying to balance details of the past, how much more does my mind try to balance? Small details that matter now, don’t matter in the long run. I often get emotionally invested and stressed about something that in a month wouldn’t matter. (Who am I kidding? In a day it won’t matter.) There are other things that deserve my emotional attention.

How can we stay out of the tangled web of stressful thoughts? I heard a wise woman say ‘refuse offense’ and it’s been knocking around in my head since. For the little things, refuse offense. For the things that should be right-sized, refuse offense. For the things that steal our thoughts from the issues and people that matter, refuse offense.

One of my favorite examples of someone who refuses offense is from the NBC show Parks and Recreation. His name is Jerry/Larry/Gary. I know Jerry is clumsy, a pushover, and pretty average. Look past that for now. Jerry is happy. Jerry is kind. The people who know Jerry the most, his family, love him deeply. He’s also a constant in the show. While writing this I found out he was in every episode, except for one. 

Most importantly – Jerry doesn’t hold a grudge. Over and over, he is never offended.

I want to be self-aware enough to understand I have the choice to get offended, and to choose not to. It’s not naive to not hold a grudge or to move on. It’s courageous and forgiving. And perhaps the most quiet kind of courageous because most people won’t even know you are doing it. 

I can get tangled up in worrying about the small details of life. Refusing offense doesn’t mean ignoring those details. The work matters and the people matter, but I want to ask myself, does what is bothering me deserve the emotional drain I’m letting it have on me?  

When I think of how my computer slowly filled up with files without me knowing, I can’t help but compare it to my mind. When I let something fill my brain and leak unknowingly into my emotions, it’s a drain that doesn’t deserve attention.  

As I strive toward refusing offense, it’s not been simple, but it’s worth it. May we be self-aware enough to understand that we have the choice to get offended, but strive to choose not to. Let’s remember it’s not naive to move on, instead it’s a quiet courageous. Finally, let’s right-size our thoughts and emotions. Our work matters and the people around us matter, but unimportant thoughts that are draining our emotional energy don’t. When we right-size our thoughts and emotions, we make space to care for ourselves and those around us.