Leading with femininity means a lot of things. It can be described with words like: courageous, compassionate, vulnerable, bold, strong.

How about “quiet”?

From as long as I can remember, I’ve been quiet.

During every school open house, I knew what was coming. My parents heard the same thing from my teachers: She’s such a good student, but she’s so quiet. I began to resent that word. It felt like the opposite of fun words, like popular, bold, and loud.

I didn’t try to be quiet, I just was. I didn’t make a conscious choice to not speak up as often as others. It just happened. I took longer to think before talking and longer to warm up in a group before sharing.

I started to feel that not being the first one to raise my hand (or not raising it at all!) meant that something was wrong with me.

How could a word intended to politely describe someone bring such contempt?

I volunteered during a church service where the students were challenged to write a word they once believed about themselves, something that was spoken over them that was a lie. Students wrote down their words and placed them at the alter, symbolizing putting down the burden and asking God to help with our battles. At the end of service I scanned the words students wrote.

I saw it – my word. Quiet. Someone else in that room felt the same pressure I had.
That “quiet” meant cowardly, not brave.
Bashful, not strong.
Spineless, not daring.

Quiet doesn’t need to mean timid. There’s someone in your life that is quiet, but not timid. Look for her and you’ll find her. She’s gentle, not cowardly; soft-spoken, not nervous. 

As I entered my late teens years and early adulthood, I learned there wasn’t anything wrong with me, instead this was how I was made. And it’s on purpose. David (You know, the guy in the Bible who fought Goliath and was also the King of Israel) wrote these words in song form to God, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Since my childhood, I’ve outgrown my shyness and grown in confidence. But guess what? As I’ve grown in confidence, I’m still pretty quiet! And notice that I didn’t say shy.

Being quiet doesn’t disqualify anyone from leadership. Women who are quiet still have a place in leadership and leadership has a place for them. And leadership needs them.

Leading with quietness means listening to others well, not just giving them time to talk.
It means being patient during times of stress and turmoil.
It means reserving your voice for when it counts.

Quiet doesn’t mean timid, meek, or not having an opinion. Quiet can also be brave, confident, and tough. And on purpose. His works are good, and I know that full well. 

My hope is you feel the freedom to put on the qualities that make you YOU. Ladies, it means your femininity was created with intention. Whether that’s nurturing, intellectual, compassionate, bold, or quiet,learn how to use those qualities to better serve those around you in your family, at work, and in your home.

What strength of yours needs to be dusted off? What in your personality you can lean into better? Have you forgotten that being a woman is a gift? Together, let’s recover how to be women.