Children in the foster care system are among the most vulnerable in our society and foster parents are opening their homes to care for them through the frontline process of foster care. 

Are there foster parents in your life? Maybe you know coworkers, church members, or neighbors who are fostering. Maybe they are in your community, but they are a friend of a friend. I’ve been blessed to know a few households that have opened their doors to foster children. I wanted to find out how I could support them.  

Sometimes we don’t always know how to help. And sometimes the greatest signs of love can come from strangers. (Wait until you read #4, a friend told me this story over pizza at a baby shower and I was all teary-eyed!). While these answers are anonymous, they are by real people I call friends. 

#1 – Visit or Bring a Meal

I was taken aback by how simple and similar these answers were. Sending a meal someone’s way is one of the easiest things we can do, even if they are just acquaintances. And by sound of these answers it makes quite the impact.  

“Something as simple as bringing a meal, especially on days or seasons that were hard, were one of the most helpful things.” 

“Just coming for a visit. It has been a nice way for me to stay connected with friends as my day to day life has changed so drastically.”

#2 – Throw a Foster Care Shower

The idea of a foster care shower isn’t a norm for our culture. There are a lot of questions. How long will the child be in their care? How old will he or she be? Will it be a boy or a girl? But stepping into the unknown with someone is so worth shopping around these challenges. 

“My friends and family not only celebrated with me this new thing I was doing but supplied basically all I needed. … It just seemed extra special to get the support from those closest to me by receiving new items, hand-me-downs, and gift cards.”

#3 – Learn to Adjust

What I love about these answers is the honesty and the vulnerability it takes as a foster parent to open up for community and what it takes for friends and family to adjust to a new way of life for the foster household. 

• Someone told me the best support they have been given was help with the practical stuff.

“People reaching out to babysit before being asked. People bringing hair products and showing how to use them. As well as friends just adjusting to this new lifestyle I have right alongside me has been a huge deal.”

• Another friend said one of the hardest parts of foster care is feeling alone.

“The lack of understanding from family and friends. We lost a lot of friends on our journey, especially when our family got bigger. It was as though we were no longer relatable to those families with 2-3 kids. We even had family members who treated our kids differently than those that were biological. We often felt like we were walking this road alone.” 

• Listening is perhaps the easiest thing we can do, although we all could use the reminder.

“Even if people don’t know how to respond, it’s okay. I don’t know if I would know how to respond to someone who was living the foster life if it wasn’t my life. Sharing happy moments, tears, frustrating experiences all are part of the process that foster parents sometimes feel guilty for having.”

#4 – Surprise Them with a Gift

This is a stunning story about the kindness of strangers. But, don’t let the grandness of it stop you from doing something ‘small.’  

“We got the call about [our adopted daughter’s] biological sister in the hospital needing a home and that she would be joining our family in two days…. Word spread quickly and friends, friends of friends, and family members started dropping off supplies within a few hours. 

“In the meantime, my brother posted on Facebook about trying to help gather baby items such as clothes and a crib or other items that people would be willing to donate and gave a little background about our journey of fostering and adopting [our daughter]. … 

“We received a call from a stranger who simply said, “I want to help you. This might sound weird but can you and your husband meet me at Target around 8pm tonight in the baby section?” 

“My heart raced with joy and gratitude as we walked into the store. A man followed by two women with empty carts shortly greeted us and told us that he brought some expert shoppers with him. He said, ‘You and your husband follow me to the car seats and these two will get started shopping.’ Tears starting instantly flowing as I was completely surprised by this man, who followed with saying, ‘Wait, let’s head over to the stroller section first to see which car seat we should select.’ 

“By this time- I couldn’t even speak because I was sobbing. I then caught a glimpse of the carts that were piling up with clothes, bottles, wipes, blankets, and other items. People who were shopping and Target employees asked what was taking place because of the scene I was causing. They joined in and shared the joy we were all feeling together. It was beautiful. 

“The next day continued with more surprises. My family and church family created a beautiful nursery in 24 hours when we were meeting [our daughter’s] baby sister at the hospital.”

#5 – Say Nice Things …

Don’t hold back encouragement. 

“Getting random compliments usually happen when I feel like I’m having the hardest day parenting or when I’m at my end. So for someone to say, ‘Your kids are so well behaved’ or ‘You’re doing such a great job’ was such an encouragement.”

… And Watch Your Mouth

One of my friend’s mentioned it can be a gift for people to not say insensitive things to them or in front of their kids, like “Do you have any real kids?” and “What did their parents do?” 

#6 – Pray for Them

I asked my foster care friends how I could be praying for them. Here’s a prayer I’ve written inspired by their answers.