A few months ago, I watched a documentary series on Netflix called Cheer. In the second episode, they explore the life story of a cheerleader named Morgan. We find out a devastating detail about her past. She has been essentially abandoned by her parents and was graciously raised by her grandparents. Eventually she found vitality through cheerleading. And now as part of the national championship team, she was recognized by the coach during recruitment. 

“She remembered my name,” Morgan says, as she recalls her experience joining the team.

Knowing someone’s name costs us nothing. But to them it can be priceless. 

When we use someone’s name we convey honor, respect, and acceptance. Dr. John M. Perkins writes of everyday honor in the book One Blood. “In our busyness as a culture we have forgotten the social graces of smiling and speaking to one another,” writes Perkins. 

As simple as smiling to others and asking them how their day is, remembering someone’s name is a simple act of everyday grace. Just as good as Morgan felt when her coach remembered her name, all that goodness is at no cost. Someone can feel valued, accepted, respected, and honored all with the simple act of knowing their name.

Consider the places you go and the people you see. When we extend everyday honor it becomes a way of life in our communities. Do you have a hard time remembering names? Is there a person in your life that you don’t know their name that you see on a regular or semi-regular basis?

For years now, I’ve met new people on a weekly basis. I’ve had my fair share of trial and error to learn names. Here are some of my favorite tactics. 

1. Ask them to spell their name.

If their name could start with a C or a K, or end with a Y or an I, ask them. Having a conversation about it might make it easier to remember. 

2. If you don’t remember, ask them again.

Or my personal tip is I ask them what their name starts with and, most of the time, I’m able to recall their name. 

3. Here’s the biggest one and perhaps the simplest.

When you ask what their name is, listen. Often this conversation can happen so fast, and likely you are saying your name as well. 

There’s misuse that can come with names. We can manipulate other people by making them feel good for our intentions. There is that old trick to call someone a different name to make them feel bad, although I’ve only seen that in movies. Learning someone’s name as a gesture of kindness is not manipulation. Instead, it’s a small act of everyday honor that costs us nothing. 

When we extend honor in our everyday lives, it becomes woven into the fabric of our communities. This simple act, which costs us nothing, tells others of honor, respect, acceptance, and value. Picking up a forgotten social grace of remembering and using names is a simple act of everyday grace that everyone is worth.