The valedictorian took the podium. She was blonde, young, and her voice was shook as she spoke. She shared about her time in high school, a teacher who believed in her, and an inspiring quote.

A few minutes later the evening’s guest speaker took the stage and I couldn’t help but see a parallel. Two blonde women decades apart – one in a graduation gown and one in a business dress.

I can only imagine the guest speaker was once nervous to speak in public. Maybe as a young girl her voice shook when she gave class presentations. She might look back on old versions of herself with shame or embarrassment. That’s what I tend to do.

What if instead she looked back with adoration, loving the past version of herself for who she was?

You see, loving your past self is really an extension of how you love yourself now and, in turn, how you love others.

I first heard this concept from writer Sarah Bessey and it’s been dancing in my head since. She talked about not resenting our past selves because eventually our current selves will be in our past. (We got a little sci-fi there I know, but stick with me.) If we continually look back on our past with embarrassment or shame, we will perpetually resent ourselves. Ouch.

Luvs diapers commercials come to mind. (This one is especially my favorite.) With my first child, I did the sanitize thing. I had the shopping cart cover for Target trips and wipes for restaurant visits. With my second child, my views and habits shifted. My life is different than it was 5 years ago and I’m different than I was 5 years ago. If I constantly look back at my past self and roll my eyes, I will never fully love myself. And if I’m not careful, I will extend the eye rolling emotion to others.

I think back at the journals I don’t want to open, the pictures I want to delete, the memories I want to put in the back of my head because I was young, naive, and silly. With my feelings of embarrassment and shame, there’s a rejection that comes with it. I didn’t realize how harmful that really could be, not only to myself, but ultimately to others.

It’s about loving who you were. I hope in her adulthood that valedictorian looks back at her graduation speech with adoration and not embarrassment.

It’s about loving who you have come to be. I acknowledge I will continue to grow and learn and there’s not shame in that, there’s wisdom.

It’s about extending grace to others. I can look at parents who had similar habits to mine with fondness of my past. 

It’s the ultimate version of self-care – loving all of our selves – past, present, and to come – with hope we will point that love toward others with understanding, empathy, and compassion.